Hey purity. Organic, eat me

My girlfriend asked me last night to pick up some cranberry juice before going out. Usually I'm pretty careful of getting the legit stuff, but I had been to happy hour already, so I was a couple sheets to the wind and too lazy to walk to the better grocery a block away. I analyzed the two choices a bit before settling on the purity. Organic Cranberry Harmony because it had some organic shit in it and was 23% juice instead of 21% as in the other one. Of course, Brandy has been mocking me all day for making this ridiculous mistake.
The bottle is adorned with 18 large cranberries, which seem to be arranged to appear as though they are line dancing. This must be one cranberrifically delicious and simple food! Hmm, does it actually have any of the cranberry that she needs? Let's take a look at the ingredients:
Water, evaporated cane juice, organic apple concentrate, organic cranberry concentrate, organic concord grape concentrate, organic vegetable coloring, organic citric acid (for tartness), ascorbic acid.
Hmm, evaporated cane juice? Well, this is just a fancy word for refined sugar. I wonder if this is part of the 23% juice? So, not only is the juice concentrate, which everyone knows is shittier than real juice, but there is more sugar than cranberry juice, and more apple juice than cranberry juice. Of course, the apple thing is common with real juice blends because straight cran is pretty rough stuff. But there sure isn't much cran in here after all this.
However, if you'd like 125% of your daily value of sugar, you've come to the right place. The US guidelines for a 2000 calorie diet indicate 40g refined sugars a day. There are 25g of sugars in one serving of this juice, but the 8 oz bottle contains two servings. Surely some of those sugars are from the little bit of fruit, but the bulk must be the refined "cane juice".
Let's move on to some of their other bottle talk. Underneath the ingredients that show clearly how not juicy this drink is, there is a line that says, "SHAKE! Real fruit settles." However, there really wasn't any sediment to shake. Come on guys, who are you trying to kid? I guess drunken suckers like myself.
On another side of the bottle, under the trademarked slogan, "Better fruit. Better juice." they boldly discuss why their "juice" is so, um good. "Begin with tart cranberries. Expertly blend them with the sweetness of apples and grapes. Voila! Cranberry Harmony, a sweet, sharp melody your tastebuds will never forget." Ohh, yeah, the cranberries are there for their tart flavor. Then why do they need citric acid (for tartness)?
To add icing to the cake, they pose the question, "Glass or plastic?" in their fun, bouncy red and black font. Well, they'll tell you! "We chose PET instead of a glass bottle because it is lighter (takes less energy to ship and produce) and can be recycled to make many new products"
So what you mean is that it's cheaper?
Sure, it's lighter for a small sliver of its traveling existence, but I'm pretty sure that the oil that makes up the plastic travels pretty far from its source. Also, glass is much easier and more economical to recycle than plastic. This is why we've been recycling glass for years, and not plastic. Actually, a lot of places do not recycle plastic at all, so these bottles are still ending up in the landfill, or turning into dioxins as they are burned in incinerators. Discarded glass is also much less bad for the environment because it erodes down more or less back into sand, whereas plastic does not break down at all and will likely end up as part of the great pacific garbage island.
Thanks guys, I'm glad you're watching out for the well-being of our planet.